You have a lot of people who have been keeping every love note and taking pictures on everyone’s phones of all the sexy texts, and thinking that this is going to be this whole big thing,” she told Business Insider. “They come into my office with all their proof of this affair, and they’re like, ‘Wait ’til the judge sees this!’ And I’m like, ‘Not only will the judge not see this, but if they did, they wouldn’t even blink.’
For the parties involved, divorce proceedings are all about the tough, emotional details that caused their marriage to crumble. But to a judge, it’s business, another day on the job. The court doesn’t care if your husband slept with your best friend or if you caught your wife sneaking off to meet another man at motel — and that can be a difficult pill to swallow.
“A judge is going to care more about a good financial statement than a picture of someone going out of a motel,” he told Business Insider. “It all comes down to the basics of the dollars and cents.” Business Insider Reports
About half of the people will recover from their divorce. About half will not (at least for a long while after their divorce is so called “final”). It is estimated that 50% of family law legal fees will be incurred after the divorce is final. Divorce disputes go on and on and on. To clarify that statistic, “post divorce” family law legal expenses include custody and child support disputes that involve parents who were never married but have broken-up. In other words half of all family law legal expenses are post-divorce or post break-up and used to modify existing court orders. This is contrary to the frequent articles in the Huffington Post that tout divorce as a rough patch that you can generally “move on” from.
SAME SEX DIVORCES ARE THE SAME
One might expect that same sex divorces are different than heterosexual divorces; but on the contrary, they harbor the same level of hostility as straight divorces. Just like straight couple divorces, same sex spouses use the kids as weapons to punish each other at the same frequency as straight couples. They abhor paying alimony and are just as hostile too. Most importantly, the judges don’t handle them any differently. So much for the hope that somehow same sex marriages/divorces would be more successful that straight marriages/divorces.
THE RETURN OF THE STAY AT HOME MOM
The share of mothers who do not work outside the home rose to 29% in 2012, up from a modern-era low of 23% in 1999, according to a new Pew Research Center analysis of government data. In 1967 the share of mothers who did not work outside the home stood at 49%; by the turn of the millennium it had dropped to just 23%. Many thought this number would continue to fall as women sought to “have it all”. Instead, the proportion of stay-at-home mothers has been rising steadily for the past 15 years.
When middle-aged women seek extra-marital affairs, they are looking for more romantic passion, which includes sex – and don’t want to divorce their husbands, suggests new research to be presented at the 109th Annual Meeting of the American Sociological Association.
“Being happy in marriage is far different than being happy in bed,” said Eric Anderson, a professor of masculinity, sexuality, and sport at the University of Winchester in England and the chief science officer at AshleyMadison.com, a popular website for those interested in having extra-marital affairs.
In their study, Anderson and his co-authors focus on 100 heterosexual, married, females between the ages of 35 and 45, and their conversations with potential suitors on AshleyMadison.com, in hopes of determining what drives this subset of women to infidelity.
The researchers found that the large majority of women – 67 percent – were seeking affairs because they wanted more romantic passion, which always…
The system’s prevailing notion in the termination of marriage is that both sides are equally at fault. This is debilitating, infuriating and magnifies the already intense suffering of going through divorce. An otherwise put-together person will become as crazy as they’ll every be while going through divorce, and this while dealing with a spouse who plays somewhat fair. When dealing with a personality disordered spouse, the suffering greatly intensifies.
It is vitally necessary for judges and domestic/family lawyers, or trial lawyers, to have a clear understanding of what personality disorders entail. There are relationships that fail when both sides did their best but couldn’t succeed; or they fail because the partners just weren’t right for each other. And then, there are those that were never right from the beginning because one member was not who he/she seemed to be.
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) may be characterized by wide mood swings‚ intense anger even at benign events‚ idealization (such as of their spouse — or attorney) followed by devaluation (such as of their spouse — or attorney).
Unfortunately, divorcing a Borderline is everything you hate most in life: delays; disruptions of your business routine and personal regimens; dramas bordering on bad theater; impossible, inflexible people; inconsistent demands and confusing signals; serial hurry-up-and-waits; every specie of verbal and behavioral deceit ever conceived by the human mind; physical, emotional, financial, social and psychological abuse; total chaos. All of this in a judicial setting designed to enable the Borderline to amplify and exploit both human and institutional weaknesses.
It’s like swimming out into the ocean from the beach and then turning around to swim back to shore only to find nothing but water as far as the eye can see. No landmarks. No people. No boats. No help. Nothing but water to the horizons in all directions.
In family law court, the very qualities that make you successful in business will prove to be your downfall in your Borderline divorce. You were trained to take charge and to adopt a “can do” attitude. You want non-issues resolved yesterday. You have no patience for people who have nothing better to do than to waste your time and money. But in a Borderline divorce, you can rest assured nothing will happen when you want or need it to happen. People who have far more issues than you will judge your life while lying to you, while engaging in passive/aggressive behavior, while paying lip service to the “best interests of the child”, and while employing “secrets” and codes of silence. They will not let you see the man behind the curtain, but they act like they expect you to know what the Great Oz is doing.
A study from the Institute for Family Studies finds that prior to age 32 or so, each additional year of age at marriage reduces the odds of divorce by 11 percent. However, after that the odds of divorce increase by 5 percent per year. The change in slopes is statistically significant. The graph below shows what the relationship between age at marriage and divorce looks like now.
Past the age of 32 or so, the odds of divorce increase by 5 percent per year of age at marriage.
Older people have more baggage. If you’ve had children with one or more of your exes, there could be “baby mama drama.” Indeed, having multiple sexual partners prior to marriage significantly increases the chances of getting divorced.The kinds of people who wait till their thirties to get married may be the kinds of people who aren’t predisposed toward doing well in their marriages.Perhaps some people who delay marriage get so used to single life that they make lousy spouses should they ever decide to give marriage a try.
“It is no longer true that the divorce rate is rising, or that half of all marriages end in divorce,” Miller wrote. “It has not been for some time. Despite hand-wringing about the institution of marriage, marriages in this country are stronger today than they have been in a long time.”
The drop started in the 1990s. About 70 percent of couples who got married in the 1990s made it to their 15th anniversary, which is 5 percent higher than the amount of couples who made it to the same anniversary in the 1970s and 1980s, Miller wrote. The trend is expected to continue into the 2000s. “If current trends continue, nearly two-thirds of marriages will never involve a divorce,” Miller wrote.
But there exists statistical data that completely contradicts Miller’s conclusion. A study by Sheela Kennedy and Steven Ruggles Breaking Up is Hard to Count concludes just the opposite.
Moreover, the Miller article is incomplete. The article does not take into account divorce in the retirement years since the married couple who according to Miller are not going to divorce as much as the generation before them, have not yet reached the age at which they will likely divorce. People are divorcing at the same rate as their parents, but at much older ages. Senior divorces (those who divorce when they are over age 65) are on the rise, and as the people who married in the 1990’s and 2000’s reach their retirement years, it is expected that half will eventually divorce. In other words it is too soon to tell if younger people will stay married their whole life. They may stay married longer, but will eventually divorce at the same 50% rate.
Regardless of what Miller suggests, marriage is in shambles because people don’t want to get married anymore. By missing this larger picture, Miller ends up adding single parents—who after all have a null chance of divorce—to good news numbers about marital stability. Sheela Kennedy and Steven Ruggles from the Population Center at the University of Minnesota try to take into account the new reality in a recent paper. Their findings are sobering: “because cohabitation makes up a rapidly growing percentage of all unions,” they write, it has “an increasing impact on overall union instability.” And by accepting that marriage and children are unrelated, she can ignore the biggest problem with this rising instability. Experts have shown us in a virtual library of research papers that the children of single parents are at greater risk of everything from poverty to school failure to imprisonment. Their large numbers will almost surely help perpetuate inequality, poverty, and immobility.
“Despite hand-wringing about the institution of marriage, marriages in this country are stronger today than they have been in a long time,” Miller writes. As it happens, hand-wringing is an appropriate response to the state of marriage today.